Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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