just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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