I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
