I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
