does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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