yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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