I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
