I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
