Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
