If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
