I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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