Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
