True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
