the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I just sharted jello shots
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