he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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