Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
