What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
