Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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