exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
