but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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