I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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