Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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