is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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