is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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