dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
