Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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