I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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