I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
