I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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