Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
