There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
