she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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