Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
