I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
