I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
