is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
