He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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