In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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