It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize