I puked a lego.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
