When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
