I accidentally had phone sex last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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