I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
