you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
