Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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