Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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