Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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