There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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