I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
