My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hippo gnu deer
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
