there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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