They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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