it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
