just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
