Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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