You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
