Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
