Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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