he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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