Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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