I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I would fuck him just for his dog
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
