there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize