Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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