sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
