I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
