Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
