I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
