Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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