I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
