come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
