Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
