My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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