Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
