So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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