so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
