I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
