Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize